


Diana's Gambit

by UnapologeticallyMeatwad



Category: Little Witch Academia
Genre: Christmas, Christmas Fluff, F/F, Fluff, Heist, Proposals, Sickfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-22
Updated: 2020-12-22
Packaged: 2021-03-10 20:53:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,892
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28243464
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/UnapologeticallyMeatwad/pseuds/UnapologeticallyMeatwad
Summary: Akko is sick and not able to punch into her final shift of the season, and needs Diana to sub in for her during peak hours on Christmas Eve — while in disguise as Akko.Will Diana save Christmas? Oh yes, certainly, and she'll do even more along the way.
Relationships: Diana Cavendish/Atsuko "Akko" Kagari
Comments: 6
Kudos: 44





	Diana's Gambit

**Author's Note:**

> there are just so many amazing diakko fics I've read in the past few days, and it really inspired me to write my own! : ) hope you enjoy, and happy holidays
> 
> please note: I experimented with using images in place of the normal dividers you use. it's better viewed on desktop but it'll make enough sense on mobile. : ) also looks better on an AO3 with a white background but it shouldn't too disruptive otherwise.
> 
> I'm alone for Christmas for the 3rd year in a row and felt like writing some cute Christmas stuff could be how I celebrate.

Diana comes from a week long work trip on Christmas Eve afternoon to find that her apartment has been divided in two by a gigantic plastic bubble, and her girlfriend is on the opposite side of her, dressed in pajamas, and sitting inside of a pillow fort.

“Hi Diana!” Akko waves, stopping to sneeze. “I’m Bubble Boy!”

Diana waits patiently for a moment, and then nods, putting her things down. “I can see that.”

They meet at the center of the room criss-cross applesauce style, facing each other. 

“I’m sick,” Akko explains.

Diana nods. This makes sense. “A cold?”

“Yes,” she sniffs loudly. 

Diana bites her lip. “This is a lot of work, Akko. Is our apartment… decontaminated though? I could still catch the cold from things you touched.”

Akko grins like a big brained genius, and wags her finger. “Nope. One step ahead of ya, _babe_ . I had _The Fixer_ come up here to decontaminate.”

Diana furrows her brow. “You really need to stop calling her _The Fixer._ ”

Several blocks away, Suce walks through the city in a three piece suit and briefcase loaded with bizarre and likely illegal chemicals.

She smiles, and readjusts her sunglasses.

“Are you kidding me?! She loves it,” Akko grins. “So we have a problem, we can catch up soon but I need you to drink the green potion directly behind you, take a shower, and then await further instruction.”

Diana groans and gets up. “This better not be some weird kind of foreplay, because I’m in a bad mood and—” she chugs the potion, wiping some spillage from her lips. “—oh Gods, what is this?”

Akko quirks an eyebrow. “Ya feelin’ it yet?”

“That fast? No, Akko, why would I—am I—” she holds her hands up, sees that it’s melting, and screams, running right into the shower. Five minutes later she comes out wrapped up in a towel, a few inches shorter, with long brown hair, and _very_ nonplussed. “—you could’ve just told me it was a potion that turned me into you.” 

Diana looks exactly like Akko. Sounds like her too. 

Akko ignores this and points at the bed on Diana’s side of the room. “Put on the Santa dress,” she says dramatically, “oh and the reindeer headband, it’s in the closet.”

Diana changes quickly and ploomps back down. The Santa dress soft and dark red, though the skirt could do not to be so… short. The headband is dark green with huge honkin’ antlers sticking out of it. “I know exactly what’s happening,” Diana says.

Akko grins and folds her arms behind her head. “Go off, sis.”

“Okay,” Diana takes in a deep breath. “You need to work tonight for your last shift before the mandatory vacation, or else you will not get paid for the upcoming week. However, you are sick and therefore need me to work your shift undercover as you.”

Akko blinks and pumps her arms in the air. “YEES! Awesome, so now they’re on the same page—”

“I am sorry to say, this will not work.”

“—we need to—wait?! WHAT?! Nooooo! Booo!” Akko shouts, pounding on the bubble. “I know what _you_ are going to say. You’re gonna say,” her voice drops low. “ _I’m sorry Akko, it is imperative I research my character before engaging in such a heist!_ ”

Diana’s face falls, her expression very serious. “Damn, you’re right.” 

“About my killer Diana impression?”

“No, what you just said.”

“Which was?”

“There’s 200 employees and no one really knows each other, hence there being no need for research.”

“I didn’t say that?” Akko frowns.

“Oh,” Diana slumps. “I spaced out. Anyways, I—will do this. For the sake of Christmas!” She poses dramatically, and then bites her lip and frowns again. “Though, on second thought, I am still concerned about not being able to research my coworkers’ personalities and their relationships with you, it’s possible we will get caught and—”

Akko looks at her imaginary watch. “The bus you need to take to go to work leaves in one minute and is waiting directly outside the—”

The door shuts.

Akko grins to herself and giggles, and then sneezes.

Diana enters the superstore. It is massive, wall to wall with toys and clothing and furniture and anything else conceivable to mankind. It is also... 

...a complete and utter shit show. Babies crying, confused elderly people walking around with bewildered eyes, staff members running fast who are—

—in

—normal

—clothes.

Diana is literally the only one in this stupid puffy red coat and short skirt with reindeer ears. She bites her tongue, knowing that this is almost certainly because there is a costume contest going down tonight of which she will likely be the only participant.

She’s been to this story many times and is familiar with its inner workings from conversations with Akko, but it is still very intimidating walking in knowing that any minute someone may call her an imposter! 

Diana mumbles to herself, “I really wish Akko gave me more time. It’s hard to be as fun as her in these…” she squeezes her skirt. “...circumstances.”

“ _Literally Diana, no one cares,_ ” Akko slurs into Diana’s ear, causing Diana to jump and scream. To all onlookers, this is very in-character for Akko. Though something about wearing a short skirted santa get-up and reindeer headband makes it more humiliating. 

Blushing, Diana pushes through the crowd fast. “Be careful. When we’re this far away, it’s easy for your magic to go into the wrong ear.”

“ _I think I know your ears well enough. Considering they’re mine actually, I know your regular ones okay too._ ”

“I know you do,” Diana grumbles. “I am realizing that you have not given me enough information. I need your Employee ID, the location of said place to enter Employee ID—”

“ _I will talk you through the night_ ,” Akko rasps. “ _I’m like the guy in a van in a spy movie._ ”

“This does not need to be so fictionalized.”

“ _You’re the one thinking anyone will assume that you’re a duplicate of me._ ”

“I think I am… reasonable, which door?” she says, eying two separate doors before her.

“ _Left._ ”

Diana struts in and enters a dirty yellow hallway that leads over to the employee lounge. Several people greet her, which she initially ignores and then realizes that is _un_ Akkoish of her, so she turns around and goes “EEEEEEEY OHHHHHHH!”

No one’s into it. They all look away. 

“Weird girl,” someone says. 

Diana slumps. “Passcode, now,” she whispers.

Akko giggles and tells Diana the passcode very… very… slowly… digit… for… digit. 

When it’s finally over and it’s time to work, she slinks into a crowd of workers also punching in and mutters, “I am tempted to burn your Christmas gift in exchange for this.”

“ _Um I think this is actually the greatest gift of all, heh heh._ ”

“And why is that?!” Diana snaps, definitely too aggressively, turning some heads.

A coworker leers at who. “Who the fuck are you talking to?”

“Shut up,” Diana leers, moving away

“ _Because this is really silly. And you like silly stuff. Also thanks for telling that guy to shut up, he’s SO annoying. Plus, Diana, I know you actually kind of like being embarrassed, hee hee!”_

Diana’s eyes shoot wide open and she frowns, blushing, all while, yeah, sort of liking it. “It’s—okay maybe I do! I just don’t like… talking about it. I think this is interesting.” She thinks a little bit more. “And funny!”

Diana is still working on using her words to express the complicated feelings she has towards just about anything she has ever encountered, and it’s kind of hard with her and Akko because Akko is so good at reading people that she sometimes knows these things before they’re said out loud. 

Like, for instance, Akko could tell at Luna Nova that Diana had a crush on someone… just not know, and sort of, coached Diana through the process of asking someone out which ended in… yeah. Totally worth it though. 

“ _I know, sorry I was teasing you too hard_ ,” Akko mumbles. “ _You’ve come a long way expressing yourself since we met._ ”

For some reason it’s _that_ of all things that make Diana nearly break down into tears on the spot. 

“Akko.”

“ _Yes?_ ”

“I’m realizing at this very moment… I love you so much, I actually would like to spend the rest of my life with you. 

Akko starts to scream.

“—you will find the appropriate ring inside of a box inside of a sock inside of the top left cabinet of the shelf besides the mini-fridge.”

Akko continues to scream. “REALLY?!”

“Yes.” Diana smirks. “Okay, off to work.”

“ _Wait, Diana, hold up you can’t just say that and_ —”

“Hello sir,” Diana says in the most valley girl kind of voice you can do. “How can I help you tonight?!”

“— _ooooh! You are the worst_.”

“Heh heh,” Diana cackles under her breath.

Work is intense, too intense to process that she actually did just propose to Akko. It makes Diana angry, and very resentful. This job is so hard, much harder than her office job, and yet Diana makes so much more money in Akko with superior benefits. 

Diana goes from section to section, starting to become more and more Akko-ish, klutzing about and tripping every now and then. It’s the stress of it all. It doesn’t help that the manager watches over her like a hawk, being so aggressive and mean for no reason.

“ _Diana, calm down, it’s okay,_ ” Akko coos as Diana slams yellow cones down around a big dog poop disaster. “ _Radio for help and stand there, okay?”_

“Okay, okay,” Diana does just that. The store is filled with so many people and they are all so loud and anxious to leave. Diana is too, but she’s here for seven more hours. She hopes she gets to take a break soon. 

Immediately after the dog poop disaster, she has to swing onto register and that’s just horrible because none of it makes sense. Some items are scanned, some have to be inputted manually. Some items are missing price tags, and—good lord, this is intense.

“KAGARI!” someone barks at her. “Why haven’t you taken your break yet?!”

Diana has to tune Akko’s chattering out for a while, patiently requesting some space. This is just so much to take in. She knew Akko hated her job, but never really thought too much about _why_. Customers yell at her and are so mean, the managers are even worse and… she can’t do anything about it though, especially in this moment as Akko.

Four hours in, Diana and Akko haven’t spoken in an hour, so it’s Akko who starts.

“ _Hey, you okay? I’m worried about you, I’m sorry that this sucks._ ”

“Hm?” Diana looks around the aisle, having completely forgotten that she’s in Akko’s body. She just needs to work work work. “Sorry. I’m focusing, they need me to stock these soap things onto the shelves and…”

“ _Oh! You don’t have enough space to load all the new ones in, right?_ ”

“Yes, they over ordered. I asked if it’s okay to bring some back and they said no, and—”

“ _Just put them back. That manager is an asshole about this thing. Rhonda clocks in soon and she doesn’t care._ ”

“You sure?”

“ _Yes, it’s alright. Take it easy._ ”

Diana takes in a deep breath. “I love you.”

“ _I know you love me, this ring you got me is beautiful._ ”

Diana bites her lip, trying not to cheese too hard in front of everyone.

Later on Diana wins a costume content. Nothing formal, she just randomly wins while helping a child find his mama. She’s called to the front to collect her prize, and chooses not to. The child is more important.

She ends up getting reprimanded for it later. Ridiculous. Diana wishes there were some way she could just make this better for Akko...

Towards the end of the shift, Diana’s legs are so sore, and she’s just _exhausted_. She’s so looking forward to taking the bus home and seeing Akko’s pretty, snotty face again. She practically skips to the staff break room to punch out for the day. Yet as she punches in her code, a cold voice cuts through the air, killing the soft Christmas vibes.

“You’re not Akko.”

Diana turns around. It’s that horrible manager. He leers at her like a detective, walking towards her with so much bravado. “I have no evidence, but… I know Akko’s a witch. And you’re being weird.”

“ _Just be cool, Diana,_ ” Akko coaches. “ _I believe in you._ ”

Diana coughs and puts on her best poker face. “ _Ahem_. What would make you think that?”

“You’re either _too_ Akkoish, or not enough. I don’t know. I think you’re her girlfriend pretending to be her, I’ve heard a lot about her.”

Diana tries not to leer too hard. “Well you’re wrong.”

The manager’s eyes get so narrow they remind Diana of a coin slot. “Okay. Let’s play this game. What’s my name?”

Diana’s mouth hangs open. 

Shit.

The manager crosses his arms. 

Akko says nothing either. Great time to forget her boss’ name.

Diana winces, “I forgot?”

The manager stares and then heaves a sigh of relief, slumping over. “Ha! Damn, I was wrong then. You are Akko.”

Diana blinks. “Wh-wh-what? I don’t—understand? What?”

“See,” the manager says so confidently. “It was a trick question. Akko, you forget my name all the time, but see Diana? I’ve heard Diana is smart. I think she’d have researched all of your coworkers in advance.”

Phew. That’s game. Diana can go home now and hold her girlfriend. But. Something’s wrong. 

She’s not happy with this interaction yet. 

So she chances fate and dares to fly close to the sun with wax wings.

Diana pops a hip and pouts. “I think you are underestimating my lover.”

“ _AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!_ ” Akko screams in Diana’s ear. “ _DIANA NO WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!_ ”

Diana finds it hard not to smirk. “Diana would _want_ you to think she’d do research, but in reality she _wouldn’t_. Think of it as a mislead.”

“That’s stupid,” the manager laughs, shaking his head. “I do think you are Diana now.”

Damn.

“See,” the manager folds a finger around his chin. “Only Diana would do mindgames like this. She’s big brained, I heard.”

Diana’s brow twitches and she goes _hard_ . “Bro, do you even _know me_ ? I am _so_ big brained, Diana wishes she were me! I am so remarkably offended, that I demand you give me a raise.”

The manager is stunned. He blinks so many times before his brain turns back on again. “Wh-what?”

“Quadruple my paycheck,” Diana sneers.

“ **_WHAT ARE YOU DOING_ ** _!?_ ” Akko shrieks.

“Qua...druple? Holy shit, no way,” the manager stammers. “That’s… what????”

“Ugh, _fine!_ ” Diana says with a tremendous eyeroll. “I’ll settle for triple and we never talk about this again.”

“I—” blink blink blink blink blink blink blink “—okay. Triple? What the fuck...”

“ _WHAT THE FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!?_ ”

Diana just grins. “Good.”

The moment Diana steps back into her apartment, and tugs her sleet covered boots off, she has morphed back into her regular body. Akko’s uniform is a little tight on her, but that’s fine, she’ll change into her pajamas soon. 

Diana looks up and sees Akko pressed against the plastic bubble’s edge like a mime.

“What?” Diana is very coy.

“Oh come on, Diana,” Akko shakes her head. “Am I seriously getting paid thirty nine dollars an hour because of you?”

“Yes,” Diana says simply. “That’s more than even I make and I think that’s fair. Your job is much harder.”

“A-and we’re getting m-m-married?”

Akko doesn’t cry, but Diana can see the tears stained across her cheeks. Crying already went down.

So Diana just smiles and walks closer, pressing her hand against Akko’s, the plastic separating their palms. “I was thinking Akko, we have enough food to last a few days. So…” Diana fishes around the bubble until she finds a zipper.

“Huh? No, Diana!” Akko screams, jumping to the zipper and forcing it down with her fingernail. “I don’t wanna get you sick! You’ve done so much more for me tonight, and—”

“—least you could do is kiss me and hold my hand?” Diana suggests.

Akko’s face goes bright red and she flops against the ground. “Okay,” she mutters, voice muffled by carpet.

Diana steps in and lifts Akko up by the cheeks. “You can get me sick, I love you.”

“Hee,” Akko giggles, hugging Diana back. “We’re staying in the bubble though. It’ll be funner that way.”

Diana arches an eyebrow and shakes her head. She thinks that’s dumb, but it’s not a hill to die on. “Honestly, how do you do that job? It was so hard, Akko…”

“Because I have _amazing_ people supporting me and reminding me how much I should love myself,” Akko is so damn sly when she wants to be. She moves in for a kiss that Diana knows will go on forever when they connect and—

— **_Achoo!_ **

Aaaaaaand instead she gets a booger to the face. “Oops,” Akko frowns, wiping Diana’s face hastily with a tissue. “Lemme make us some hot chocolate!”

“Okay,” Diana laughs softly as she watches Akko scamper off, and then crawls over to Akko’s pillow fort and collapses into it. 

What a day.


End file.
